2012考研包过班作文批改这是我的一个学员的写的作文，发给大家，供大家学习参考Whatthesetwodrawingsaboveillustrateisalittleflower,undertheprotectionofthegreenhouse,isinfullbloom/Flourishingnomatterhowterribletheweatherwouldbelike.Butitisnotalwaysthecase,once,Ofcourse,theoppositesideofthisphenomenonalsoexists.thebeautifulflowerisnolongergrowinginfavorable这个词用的不错，替换goodcondition.Innotimewilltheflowerdie,ifitcannotadapttothenewcircumstance.倒装用的很精彩Obviously,thecartoonsintendto这个用法非常地道！revealtheproblemphenomenon-theyouthlackofindependence-whichwidelyexistsinoursociety.Itisnotuncommonthatwegraduates,whenleavecampusforposition,haveasenseofunfamiliarityanddissatisfactory,moreoverescapefromthecut-throatcompetitionofjobmarketorlow-income,highstrengthwork.看得出，你还是尽量想用复杂句，长句，但是这个句子语法上很混乱，最好是长短句结合，并不是作文中句子越长越复杂越好。同时，你通篇用了太多的插入语，最好用三四个即可。多了反而感觉不自然。CurrentlyNowadays,youngadultstheyouthofourgenerationwhoarebroughtupwithoutsadnessworryandsorrow.Parents,allthetime,drivetheirbestefforts这个用法用的非常好！tomeettheunreasonablerequirementmadebytheironlychild.Whenweenterintoschoolwiththeguidanceofourteachers,weseldomindependentlycopywithdifficulties？？？wehaveeverconfronted.Therefore,Whenitcomestowhatimpactsitwouldbring,inmyeyes,fromwhereIstand,itishightimethatyoungsterstheyouthcometorealizetheirownshortcomingsbeforetheyarecompletelypreparedpreparestohuntforworkseekforajob.Inaddition,oursocietyandschoolshouldprovidesupportandadviceforthemsothatthesegreenhandscanadjustthemselvestothemultivariantenvironmentassoonaspossible.inthecomingfuture/inthenearfuture/inthenotfardistantfuture。（不远的将来）一定要多变化，比如通篇不要全部用theyouth，替换词很多，比如theyoungpeople;youngsters;theyouth;youngadults在一些名词或者动词前面可以扩展下，加上形容词或者副词，第一能增加字数，第二能使得句子更加形象生动，比如你文中的meettherequirement，可以改成meettheunreasonablerequirementtoseekforajob，这里“找工作”的表达很多，比如applyforajob，huntforwork。而“求职者”地道的表达多用jobhunter，jobseeker等。再发散下，解聘怎么表达？？dismissanemployee。“雇主“employer，”被雇佣者“背单词一定要注意发散，联想。,itishightimethat。。。。。，这个句型大家也可以用用，但是注意后面要跟动词原形dointhecomingfuture/inthenearfuture/inthenotfa