1.你太晚了YouaretoolateOnabusamandiscoveredapickpocket'shandthrustintohispocket."sorry,"hesaidtothepickpocket,"youaretoolate.MYwifediditbeforeyou."在公共汽车上，有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里o"对不起,"他对小偷说，"你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了。”2：Whatisyouroffense你做了什么坏事ItwastheChristmasseasonandthejudgewasinamerrymoodasheaskedtheprisoner,“Whatisyouroffense?”圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人：“你做了什么坏事啊？”“IdidmyChristmasshoppingearlythisyear,”criedtheprisoner.“我今年圣诞节购物早了些”犯人回答。“There'snothingwrongwiththat,”saidtheJudge.Howearlywereyoudoingthisshopping?”“这么做没错啊，”法官说：“到底多早之前啊？““Beforethestoreopened,”answeredtheprisoner.“商店开门之前“犯人答道。3.Problemwithgas放屁的问题Alittleoldladygoestothedoctorandsays,¨Doctor,Ihavethisproblemwithgas,butitdoesn'treallybothermetoomuch.Theyneversmallandarealwayssilent.有位小老太太去看医生，她对医生说：”医生，我有爱放屁的毛病。其实也不是大问题，因为我放屁不臭而且没声音。AsamatterOffact,I'vefartedatleast20timessinceI'vebeenhereinyouroffice.Youdidn'tknowlwasfartingbecausetheydon'tsmellandaresilent.”Thedoctorsays,¨Isee,Here'saprescription.事实上，自从我进了你办公室后，已经放了至少20个屁了，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音。"医生说：“好的，我明白了。Takethesepiles3timesadayforsevendaysandcomebacktoseemenextweek."Thenextweektheladygoesback."Doctor,"shesays,¨Idon'tknowwhatthehellyougaveme,butnowmyfarts…althoughstillsilent...stinkterribly.吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来。一个星期后，老太太来了，¨医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音。Thedoctorsays,“Good!Nowthatwe'veclearedupyoursinuses,let'sstartworkingonyourhearing."但是怎么这么臭"医生说：太好了!既然你的嗅觉正常了，门开始治听觉吧。4.Psychiatrist心理医生Jerrywenttoapsychiatrist."Doc,"hesaid,"l'vegottrouble.EverytimeIgetintobed,Ithinkthere'ssomebodyunderit.l'mgoingcrazy!""Justputyourselfinmyhandsforoneyear,saidtheshrink."Cometomethreetimesaweek,andl'IIcureyourfears.""Howmuchdoyoucharge?"onehundreddollarspervisit."I'llsleeponit,"saidJerry.SixmonthslaterthedoctormetJerryonthestreet."Whydidn'tyouevercometoseemeagain?"askedthepsychiatrist.¨Forahundredbucksavisit?Thebartendercuredmefor$10．""Isthatso!How?"¨Hetoldmetocutthelegsoffthebed!Ain'tnobodyundertherenow!!!"杰瑞去看心理医生。¨医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯