大学英语四级考试写作典型例文精彩点评(三)At9:00amOctober25st(25th)2003,IsawatrafficaccidentonDaxueRoad.Atthattime,Iwasonmywaytoschool.WhenIturnedrightonthecorner,amotorbikeknockedintoasmallcar.Themotorbikewasred,andthereare(were)twopersonsonthemotorbike.Thecarwasyellow.Themotorbikefelldown,andthetwopersonsonthemotorbikewereslightinjured.The(car)drivercameoutofthecaratonce,andaskedaboutthetwopersons.AssoonasIsawthat,Imadeatelephonecallto110.Thetrafficpolicearrivedinashorttime.AccordingtowhatIsaw,Ithoughttheremaybeonereasonleadingtotheaccident.Thatwasthemotorbikekepttooshort(a)distantfromthecar.Whenthecarsloweddown,themotorbikecouldn’tslowdownintime.Sotheaccidenttookplace.点评：(1)基本切题。(2)文字连贯性不强，尤其是第二段，缺少一些必要的衔接词。(3)简单句太多，可以考虑把一些合并成复合句。(4)有些地方人称指代不明(如司机)，容易引起误解(5)有一些基本的时态、语法错误。例4.(11分段)LastFridayafternoon,whenIwasonmywayhome,atrafficaccidenttookplaceatthecrossingofShanghaiRoad.Apupilwasknockeddownbyablackcarwhenhewaswalkingacrossthestreet.Hislegswerebadlyhurt.Sever(Several)minuteslateranambulancecame,andthedriveroftheblackcarsentthepupiltothehospitalimmediately.Inmyeyes,thisaccidentwasduetothatthepupilbrokethetrafficrules.Thatistosay,thepupilwalkedacrossthestreetwhenthetrafficlightswerered.Assoonasthedriversawthepupil,hestoppedthecar,however,itwastoolate.Inmyopinion,itwasnecessarytoadvocatepeopletoconfirmtothetrafficrules.Ifthepupilhadn’tbrokenthetrafficrules,theaccidentmightnothavehappened.点评：(1)本文比较切题，表达思想清楚。(2)语句比较通顺，但有考试大少量语言错误。例5.(14分段)MynameisLiming.Iamstudyingatcollege.AweekagoIsawatrafficaccident,whichisstillvividinmymind.Itwasatabout9:00onSaturdaymorning,June15th,whenIwentoutoftheuniversitytovisitafriendofmineatanotheruniversity.IwaswalkingleisurelyonthesidewalkwhenIheardaloudcrashoftwovehiclesjustattheT-junctionabout10metersaway.Twotaxiscrashedtogether.Itwasatrafficaccident.Iwentupandfoundthatthetwotaxiswerebadlydamaged.Bothhoofswereoutofshape.Onedoorofacarwasknockedoffandlyingontheroad.Onedriverwasbloodingandanotherwasshutinthetaxi.Somepeopleweretryingtohelpthedrivergetoutofthe