趣味英语笑话趣味英语笑话1、IWasn'tAsleepWhenagroupofwomengotonthecar,everyseatwasalreadyoccupied.Theconductornoticedamanwhoseemedtobeasleep,andfearinghemightmisshisstop,henudgedhimandsaid:"Wakeup,sir!""Iwasn'tasleep,"themananswered."Notasleep?Butyouhadyoureyesclosed.""Iknow.Ijusthatetolookatladiesstandingupbesidemeinacrowdedcar."我没有睡着当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”2、Thepoorhusband"Youcan'timaginehowdifficultitisformetodealwithmywife,"themancomplainedtohisfriend."Sheasksmeaquestion,thenanswersitherself,andafterthatsheexplainedtomeforhalfanhourwhymyansweriswrong.可怜的丈夫“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”3、Thepreacherwasvexedbecauseacertainmemberofhiscongregationalwaysfellasleepduringthesermon.AsthemanwassnoringinthefrontrowoneSunday,thepreacherdeterminedhewouldteachhimnottosleepduringthesermon.So,inawhisper,heaskedthecongregation."Allwhowanttogotoheaven，pleaserise."Everyonegotupexceptthesnorer.Afterwhispering"Beseated",theministershoutedatthetopofhisvoiced,"Allthosewhowanttobewiththedevil,pleaserise."Awakingwithastart,thesleepy-headjumpedtohisfeetandsawthepreacherstandingtallandangryinthepulpit,"Well,sir,"hesaid,"Idon'tknowwhatwe'revotingon,butitlookslikeyouandmearetheonlyonesforit."瞌睡者牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”4、ASmartHousewife.Asmarthousewifewastoldthattherewasakindofstovewhichwouldonlyconsumehalfofthecoalshewasburning.Shewasveryexcited,andsaid:"That'llbeterrific!S