EnglishJokesTeacher:‘Johnny,whereisBrazil?’Johnny(stalling):‘Wheredoyouthinkitis?’Teacher:‘Idon’tthink.Iknow.’Johnny:‘Idon’tthinkIknow,either.’Employer:‘Forthisjob,weneedsomeonewhoisresponsible.’Applicant:‘That’sme.Onmylastjob,wheneveranythingwentwrong,theyalwayssaidIwasresponsible.’Alfred:‘Lookatthatbunchofcows.’Ivy:‘Notbunch–herd!’Alfred:‘Heardwhat?’Ivy:‘Herdofcows.’Alfred:‘Sure,I’veheardofcows.’Ivy:‘Imean–acowherd!’Alfred:‘WhatdoIcareifacowheard?Ididn’tsayanythingIshouldn’thave.’‘Doyouthinkit’srighttopunishfolksforthingstheyhaven’tdone?’askedJohnnyofhisteacher.‘Ofcoursenot!’repliedtheteacher.‘Well,Ihaven’tdonemyhomework.’Thebrideofonlyafewmonthswasattheairporttomeetherhusband.Theywerewaitingforhisluggagewhenhepointedoutagood-lookingstewardessfromtheplane,MissTracy.‘Howdoyouhappentoknowhername?’theyoungwifeasked.Heexplainedthatitwaslisted,togetherwiththenamesofthepilotandco-pilot,onthedoorofthecockpit.Thewife’snextquestionwasaclassicwhichhecouldnotanswer:‘Dear,’sheasked,‘whatwasthepilot’sname?’Betsy:‘Mother,Alfredbrokeawindow.’Mother:‘My,my…!Howdidhedoit?’Betsy:‘Ithrewarockathimandhedodged.’Thomaswasoutwithhisfriendsoneeveningandbeforeherealizeditthemorningofthenextdayhadbroken.Hehesitatedtocallhomebutfinallyhituponanidea.Heranghishouse.WhenhiswifePhilippaansweredthephoneheshouted,‘Don’tpaytheransom,honey,Iescaped!’Nurse:‘Doyoumindtellingmewhyyouranawayfromtheoperatingroom?’Patient:‘Becausethenursesaid,“Bebrave,anappendectomyissimple.”’Nurse:‘So?’Patient:‘Shewastalkingtothedoctorwhowasgoingtooperate.’Thomasaskedhisdentisthowlongitwouldtaketopullhisbadtooth.‘Only2seconds,’hereplied.‘Andhowmuchwillitcosttohavethisdone?’heasked.‘Sevenhundred,’heanswered.‘Foronly2seconds’work?’‘Well,’thedentistsaidcoolly,‘Icouldpullitoutmoreslowly,ifyouwish.’Ayoungwomanliontamerhadthecatsundersuchcontrol(that)theytookalumpofsugarfromherlipsoncommand.Whenaskepticyelled,‘Anyonecandothat!’theringmastercameoveran